waken up by someone who had nightmares and i’m up till 6. dun worry about nightmares, i’m here with u always. unless i’m the one who’s giving u nightmares.

heehee. here’s some pics taken 04 new year’s eve in shirla’s. haha… alva loves this one here. chung and shirla both drinking but in different direction. um… they’re in love

sux and pang

whenever overnight gathering 2 people will be sleeping. one is shirla. one is wendy.

one word…. ying. i mean chung

wendy and… whatever her boyfriend’s name is spelled. sorry i duno

shirla, who is actually the owner of the house, is sleeping and got the whole sofa for herself, forgetting about all of her guests. fying and wendy and her boyfriend are sleeping on the floor. i was trying to take a pic like they’re sleeping on the street. so i asked them to give me sad faces. well done, wendy. u simply ruined everything.

u can see everyone in his gathering has red nose. shirla’s place somehow blocked everybody’s nose.

and chung in his car parking with his ‘piu yee’ skills.

heehee. that’s all. i’m just too bored.

no more nightmares. it’s just a dream. dun worry.

我愛你我愛你我愛你。

口講無憑。

需知愛人﹐是風險極高的一項投資。愛情像買股票﹐你當然希望它昇值。

但是﹐股票價格﹐可昇可跌﹔你愛人對你講的那句我愛你﹐也可真可假。

你對我講你愛我﹐我當然希望相信﹐但我總不能因為你一句﹐便將全副身家投資在你身上。

你可能會說﹕他愛不愛我﹐我feel到的。

但好明顯﹐有很多人﹐feel錯晒。被欺騙﹐被玩弄﹐騙感情的有﹐騙金錢的也有。很多夜總會小姐之所以入行也是因為被壞人騙了﹐辛苦賺錢養小白臉﹐她們﹐也是feel錯晒。

我總不能就這樣相信你﹐不是你的錯﹐是社會的錯﹐這個世界﹐太多壞人。

有些實質的東西﹐是必要用來證明現代的愛的。

名份﹐很重要。我們要正式的一個名份﹐要讓人知道﹐我﹐是你正式的男/女朋友。聽過無數例子﹐她沒見過他的朋友﹐從來不讓她到他家裡﹐不給她家裡的電話﹐他﹐原來有老婆。

有些人﹐明明有男(女)朋友﹐認識了新的異性時﹐卻present自己是單身﹐friendster的profile上寫single。有何目的﹖不需多講﹐除非是因為你亂倫﹐同性戀﹐不敢告訴別人。

你有見過他的熟朋友嗎﹖有些人﹐跟你一起﹐卻嫌棄你。我知道有些男人因為自己的女朋友肥﹐有女人因為自己的男友矮﹐所以‘唔o甘帶出o黎’。你的愛人若把你帶會家﹐通常是好事﹐可以帶給父母看的﹐必定是對你有某一程度認真。

他有犧牲讀書﹐打波﹐同朋友吹水的時間陪你嗎﹖不必多﹐但你若肯把我放第一位﹐我便知你愛我。

他會自動致電給你嗎﹖每晚臨睡前會跟你說聲晚安嗎﹖我知道有女孩子喜歡臨睡前聽到男朋友的聲音。

你住黃大仙﹐他住跑馬地﹐他12點後還送你回家嗎﹖

他有浪費金錢買些細細樽用Bio Lab裡面的chemicals其實可製造出來﹐但賣幾百大元的香水送給你嗎﹖還是他會說﹕o徙錢﹖

還有很多很多。

可能你會覺得膚淺。可能你覺得這些東西﹐很表面。

但他若果愛你﹐他自然便會為你犧牲某些東西﹐做尷尬的事情﹐浪費金錢時間精力﹐令你開心。

愛在心中﹐讓你感到我的愛﹐卻是行動。

越表面越好。

你若做不到﹐可能證明你未準備好﹐不應該拍拖。

準備好愛別人了﹐不代表準備好拍拖﹐很多人就在這種誤會上﹐傷害了別人了。

 

以上所有不是針對男性﹐男女一樣。

 

today.

once i come back home from my second exam, milk sent me a msg in msn. asking ‘nei dim ah?’

i am not sure if it was simply a how are you, or she’s asking about my exam, or something else. it doesn’t matter. somehow i felt warmth.

and then, mag online.

mag is always so supportive. thank you maggie.

my msn profile name is ‘jerlame gonna fail lor’. chung sent me a msg telling me i won’t fail.

i love u man. i want to thank you, really. it’s amazing that sometimes i can get comfort from u without actually telling u what i’m upset about. seriously, i won’t feel bad over my exams, even if i fail.

recieve an e-mail from wendy.

i guess u’re not too happy lately wendy. suddenly sent me e-mail. but thx. thx for ur ‘how are u’. and i hope u’ll be happy soon.

talked to shirla.

u know what. there’s just a reason why we’ve been such good friends for ten years. and we always will be.

talked to chuchu this morning too.

thank you for understanding me.

 

i realise that so many people care about me. and i cried. i want to thank you all. i owe u guys so much. i’m sorry i haven’t been opened to u guys. please understand. i’m sure u guys will. i love u all.

how are u. this is the most common sentence. and today it saved me from drowning.

 

and hangyee, i miss u, where are u?

jessica… i’ll reply ur e-mail properly after my exam.

and derek asked me to say ‘i love u’ to him here. well no problem. i do love u, baby.

 

‘你會有一天離開我嗎﹖’

‘不會。’

‘你怎可這樣肯定﹖你今天愛我﹐不代表你永遠愛我。你以前也愛過其他人﹐你現在不是都不愛她們了嗎﹖’

‘那麼我祗可以答不知道吧。若我知道我會有一天和你分開﹐我現在便不會和你開始了。Never say never。未來的事我預測不到﹐但有一天我若真的離開了你﹐你又還愛我﹐你不會把我追回來嗎﹖’

‘不會。女生不可以這樣划爛塊面留住她的男人。’

‘為什麼不可以﹖男生就可以跪地求他的愛人回來了嗎﹖這個年代﹐這傳統的思想不是應該放低嗎﹖現實生活你接受不了﹐看BJ單身日記﹐看天使愛美麗時我可不見你有意見喔。’

‘你要走﹐你總有你的原因﹐我不會留住你。’

‘為什麼﹖既是有原因﹐不是就有解決方法嗎﹖你若愛我﹐你會輕易地放棄嗎﹖’

‘你若是注定和我在一起﹐你便不會離開我。命裡有時終需有﹐命裡無時莫強求。你不愛我﹐我又怎能勉強你﹖’

‘你若偏要相信命運﹐浪漫地相信總有人是注定永遠和你在一起的﹐那麼我便沒話可說。但是命運﹐不是可以自己掌握的嗎﹖相識﹐可能是緣份﹔相愛﹐可能是注定﹔但是如何維繫一段關係﹐是可以自己選擇的。我愛你﹐我覺得你重要﹐我自然會努力嘗試把你留在我的身邊。有時一樣東西﹐屬不屬於你﹐是處決於你有沒有去爭取。’

‘但是你若有一天不愛我了﹐你的心便變了﹐我若要你回來﹐我們的關係也變了質。得來的﹐已是另一種東西了﹐再不是原本純真的愛情。’

‘這種想法不是太浪漫﹐太不切實際了嗎﹖我若是回來了﹐我不可以更愛你嗎﹖大家不可以積極點嗎﹖’

‘我始終不相信。’

‘那麼對你來說﹐愛是什麼了﹖是天降下來的禮物﹖所以你便什麼都不必做﹐坐下來等待收穫﹖’

‘愛是不可解釋的﹐你不能理解﹐祗能接受。我不會做些什麼﹐要來便來﹐要走就走。我始終不相信若果有天你不愛我了﹐我會回心轉意回來愛我更多。’

‘愛﹐就算是禮物﹐我也要起身就到門口接收。事在人為﹐我有決心﹐我便做到。你沒有心﹐愛也會變成不愛。’

 

送上一首達明的歌

你還愛我嗎？

作曲： 黃耀明     填詞： 潘源良

你還愛我嗎？    我怎麼竟有點怕？！
現況天天在變化    情感不變嗎？
你還愛我嗎？    沒變動祗怕僵化
習慣天天共對怎麼知道情會否簡化
我也許不應追究真假    但是也不想各自欺詐
你愛我嗎？    我願能知道     就讓我不必繼續驚怕
我還愛你嗎？    我此刻感到驚詫
若我身邊沒有你    還總不太差
我還愛你嗎？    或許痴心已轉化
但你始終在我心中牽掛    無邊的牽掛
我已經不懂觀察真假    但是確不想各自欺詐
我愛你嗎我願能知道    (我但求最後能知道)
就讓我不必繼續驚怕

thx dafan for uploading the song

Love, honestly

 

First of all, thank you for your comments. I am glad that some people agree with what I said. Actually I wasn’t intending to talk about the ‘love and return’ issue. But apparently this is the subject to be discussed.

 

Since Marcus has so kindly credited me for what he written, I have to tell you guys that it was www.xanga.com/HappyMarcus who gave me the idea of the following.

If you can’t be bothered to read it, (but hey I love reading your page Marcus) Marcus’ response to what I said is: Love is always a selfish thing. When we say we love somebody, we are actually loving ourselves. We are only trying to make ourselves happy. But Marcus, think about it, maybe the word ‘love’ is initially defined by that.

 

Imagine, there’s always a start in anything. For instance, there must be something about this person that attracts you in the first place, before you really fall in love with him/her. Her appearance? His money? His humour? She sings very well? She can dance? He has a large penis? I mean, it is very difficult to fall in love with someone who you don’t even like. (Except in Steven Chow’s 西遊記, he hates Chu Yan but he fell in love with her, I myself cannot resist Chu Yan) So initially you are already finding something that you can derived happiness from. Yes you are right, like your Mini I-pod and your PSP.

 

But then, I think it is always the case. I love my PS2 because I can play Winning8 all night long. I love Daniel Ng because he’s handsome. Just that in the case of love, we always say that we don’t need a reason to love somebody. Love doesn’t need a reason. But at the same time we look for pretty girls and rich guys. When I love you, I tell you that I don’t know why. When I want to leave you, I can make up ten thousands reasons, just to get rid of you. Ask yourself, will you still love her if she weights 300 pounds? Will you still love him if he is 4 feet tall? We are too scared to ask ourselves questions like these. Or maybe it’s not necessary.

 

All of these sound bad, only because we are taught by the world that love doesn’t ask for return. All of these look bad, just because we are too romantic and we expect too much from us human beings. We pretend to be saints. To me, it’s just normal. There is nothing wrong if I love you because you are beautiful. All Miss Hong Kong marry rich guys. Who gives a shit if they love them? There is nothing wrong for a mother to love his child and expect him to be as rich as Lee Ka Sing when he grows up. There is nothing wrong for a person to believe in God just to try to go to heaven after he dies. The point is, we don’t even pay attention to things that doesn’t concern me. I walk down the street, I look at girls and I choose the pretty ones to look at. This is just normal. Nothing immoral about that. We only worry about things that concern our interests.

 

I love you. That’s because I’m happy to be with you. It makes me happy. That’s all I need. I am not sure if I have time to think about how true my love is. I may never know who I love most until I die. Afterall, how can you be sure that the person you marry is the person you love most? Sometimes I think, you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be the person I love most in my life. You only have to be the person I WANT to be with for the rest of my life. Someone who can take care of me. Someone who makes me happy. I have too little time to spend on someone who doesn’t love me back. I can’t find the reason why I should love for no reward. You see, you don’t go working without asking for wages.

 

I have this crazy idea that, sometimes we love; we’re just trying to get balanced. I am not sure if people in developing countries talk about love as much as we do. Love is a luxury good. We live in such rich country with such high living standards, we think we’ve been treated too well. We have to put ourselves into trouble through falling in love. Loving someone who doesn’t love me back makes me feel more balanced. I am lost, I feel pain, I got dumped, I do everything for a girl but she still doesn’t love me. Now that makes me as a complete person. That proves it that I don’t only act rationally. Sometimes I follow my feelings. But not calculating rewards. I am human. We actually like being dumped. We actually like being lost in love. We love the pain. When we got dumped, we’re romantic. Nothing satisfies ourselves more than being romantic. We cry, walk along the beach alone, light a cigarette, and we look cool. We listen to love songs to make ourselves cry again. And then we go on tell our friends how much we love someone. How much we have done for them. And then they will comfort me, and think that we’re so good because we love for no rewards.

 

But think about it, if love really doesn’t ask for reward. We will never cry for those who don’t love us. If love ask for no return, and I can do anything for you, I will not feel sad if you don’t love me. What’s the highest degree of love? I love you. And you don’t have to love me back. You can have all my money. You can call me anytime you want and if you don’t want to see me you can just ignore me. You can even go on and fall in love with other people. I can be your backup whenever you need me. The most important thing is, I won’t even complain about these. Because my love is so great. I don’t need you to do anything for me. I just want to see you happy. If leaving me, hitting me, or even killing me makes you happy, please do it.

 

Now, this is true love. Are you up for it?

When you’re in love, you trust that they will love you in return. There is no such thing as loving someone but not asking for rewards. You love somebody, you always want something from them too.

But of course, we don’t want to believe that. We always think we are great lovers in novels. We can love someone and ask for nothing. We trust them. And there is nothing we cannot do for them.

I talked to a friend last night. She has done something really bad in the past. And her boyfriend doesn’t have faith in her anymore.

So typical. Reminds me of you (one of my best friends, you may know if you’re reading this). In a relationship, you can do so many things to prove your love. But if you do one thing wrong, your relationship is doomed. Especially girls, you see, you cheated once, your boyfriends will never forgive you. In our society, girls who cheat are whores, men who cheat are heros. The guys can’t accept being cheated, even once. They will always remember, especially Scorpios. (According to Fying’s sister, Scropio’s are very 記仇, I’m Scorpio) You cheat once, your boyfriends won’t leave you. But they will hold on to you to prove that they still love you. (Cause it’s like so 偉大 that you were being unfaithful but they still love you) But don’t be happy yet. Cause they will give you a very hard time. Once for a while they will talk about it. And they will never trust you anymore. They will keep loving you and keep complaining about how they cannot forget the past.

I think there are skills about love. You need to learn to how to love somebody. That’s why first love always end up badly. We’re not skilled. We make mistakes. We are too romantic. We think love is everything and we neglect all the important things.

When you love someone, you have to trust them. However, human beings are not to be trusted. That’s been proved by history. But it’s ok. When we’re in love we don’t thnk that way. I trust you that you will never leave me. Actually it doesn’t matter if I really really trust you and have faith in you. Sometimes I just want to hear you say you love me and you will never leave me.

I am in a bad mood tonight. I can’t revise well. Can’t concentrate. See, I’m writing entries but not revising. So how’s everyone? Are you single? Keep waiting. You can’t look for one, you can only wait. Are you in love? Trust your lover. Forgive them if they’ve done anything wrong and trust them agian. If you can’t forget the past, leave them. Are you still waiting for someone who doesn’t belong to you? Well, I’m sure I have a lot of friends who are in this stage. I have no suggestions for you guys. Just forget them and get on with your revision.

I’m feeling better now. I will try to revise now. You see, that’s why I love my xanga. I know people are hacking xanga now. Apparently xanga is comparatively easier to hack and people are addicted to it. There are some like ‘hack xanga’ blogrings. Poor xanga. Just trying to run a business here. Please, hackers, forgive them. This place ain’t so bad.

翻看爾冬陞編導的旺角黑夜。

這是一套近年超水準的港產電影。導演﹐編劇﹐演員﹐各方面﹐整題制作也很好﹐同時保留港產片的味道。

但是今早﹐我看到架上放了一隻邵氏電影的VCD。

令我想到﹐其實旺角黑夜的水準﹐可能根本是港產片的應有水準。

香港的電影本應就是聞名全球的產品﹐港產片在電影歷史上也佔重要的一席位﹐我突然覺得﹐我們看到旺角黑夜都要讚嘆鼓掌﹐其實是一件很可悲的事。

旺角黑夜的水準是一部港產電影應有的水準﹐我們祗是習慣了其它沒有水平的港產電影罷了。

劇本合情合理﹐劇情緊張刺激是應該的。過份抄襲﹐求求其其的劇本不應存在。我們偏偏習慣了﹕這是港產片﹐我可容忍它的劇情九唔搭八﹐為搞笑而搞笑。

演員能配合戲中的角色也是應該的。你可以為了一份很好的劇本去拍戲﹐但不可以為了楊千華陳冠希甚至森美去拍戲。

導演有自己的風格﹐講自己想講的故事﹐拍些有意義的題材﹐也是應該的。電影﹐可不是祗有OL和其男友們去看的。

是電影差﹐所以我們要求低﹔還是我們bad taste﹐所以港產片衰落﹖

是觀眾的錯﹖是電影業的錯﹖是政府的錯﹖是投資者的錯﹖

是翻版﹖是BT﹖是戲院﹖

 

錯﹐錯在我無入行。哈哈﹗﹗﹗

(低B…)

ok this is just some personal feelings. i hope i won’t offend anyone.

what i think is. while u write things on the internet, while u write public entries in ur xanga, u expect people to read it. u got to understand, ur xanga can be linked to anyone. it’s possible that anyone would find u and read ur site. everyone should expect that. anyone can read what u wrote. anybody. people u know, people u duno. ur friends, ur lover, ur ex, ur family members, ur teachers ur boss, anyone.

and i understand that there are things that u only want to tell some friends. there are things that u dun want somebody to know. the problem is here. u want this bunch of people to read ur entries, but then u dun want the other bunch of people to read the same entries. and if u realise the people who u dun them to read ur entries are actually reading ur entries. u got pissed.

i mean, u can’t ask people not to read while u put it in public. u can’t say to someone, dun come to my xanga i dun want u to read them. u see, people won’t read the documents on ur desk unless u print ‘confidencial’ on it. u gotta accept the fact that internet is not a place to keep secrets. whatever u put in here can be read by thousands. u can’t complain about people finding ur site and read ur stuffs.

some people wants to know who has visited his/her sites. some use loggers to track down people who has visited them. i always think that these programs should have never been made. i know many people use them. but i always insist not using them. i dun want to know exactly who visited my site. it will stop me from writing out my feelings. i dun want that. i mean, i really love this place, although this xanga thing isn’t even good, so many things to be improved, but i can write here and people know more about me and i’m happy. while u know who is visiting ur sites, there will be things that u avoid writing. that’s sad to me. the tracker will ruin my fun.

of coz, i understand many people want to know who has visited their site. and those people who programmed those trackers has done a great job to help these people. but to me, no, i want to write my feelings here. i want to tell the truth. i want people to know more about me. whoever u are, u should understand me more. as long as it’s my true feeling, there’s nothing i cannot tell.

if u’re my friend, i want u to know me more. if u hate me, i still hope u can understand me more. if u like to read my xanga, i’m happy. if u dun, just fuck off.

此entry意念來自其他朋友的xanga﹐如有雷同﹐純屬抄襲。

2004年勁爆叱吒Jerlame自選電影頒獎禮

 

我最喜愛的電影﹕(排名不分先後)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (無痛失戀)

I Heart Huckabees

Old Boy (原罪犯)

Kill Bill, Volume 2 (標殺令2)

Shaun of the Dead (笑死人空間)

The Dreamers (戲夢巴黎)

旺角黑夜

 

希望越大失望越大獎﹕

2046

Fahrenheit 9/11  (華氏911)

龍鳳鬥

 

浪費金錢最弊係浪費埋D時間獎﹕

十面埋伏

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Shark’s Tale

 

好評如潮但我不喜愛獎﹕

The Butterfly Effect (連鎖蝶變)

Supersize Me (不瘦降之謎)

 

劣評如潮但我很喜愛獎﹕

大事件

 

要再翻睇研究獎﹕

柔道龍虎榜

The Barbarian Invasion (老豆堅過美利堅)

 

免費請我都唔肯去睇獎﹕

The Passion of the Christ (受難曲)

AVP (異獸戰)

Alexander

Polar Express

Around the World in 80 days (八十日環遊世界)

 

朋友極力推介但仍唔肯睇獎﹕

Saw (恐懼鬥室)

The Notebook

The Phantom of the Opera

 

(特別獎)嚴重抄襲獎﹕

我要做Model

 

我勁想睇但無人肯倍我睇獎﹕

Dodgeball

 

以為好商業會唔好睇但其實好好睇獎﹕

The Day After Tomorrow (明日之後)

I, Robot

Spiderman 2

 

日本動畫獎﹕

Appleseed

Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence

 

個人意義獎﹕

Troy

 

今年miss左但勁想睇電影獎﹕(華﹐多羅)

Bad Education (性教慾)

花與愛麗絲

Code 46

Coffee and Cigarettes

Garden State

Napoleon Dynamite

Kinsey

5 x 2

Million Dollar Baby

Vera Drake

Beyond the Sea

Steamboy

 

八臺聯頒我最喜愛至尊勁爆電影﹕

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (無痛失戀)

我最愛的演員我最愛的題材我最愛的編劇我最喜愛的片種我實在很愛eternal sunshine. yeah!

 

05年特別推介﹗不可錯過﹗

我呀媽發仔瘟

喂﹗唔係唔睇呀嘛﹖

 

多謝

i’ll arrive on sunday, 2pm. hohoho beware la.

ok. do u guys like the movie quiz leh? hai… no much responce to it tim. i give u guys the answer la.

1. Notting Hill. This one is from Maggie ga. This is taken from the scene where the italian restaurant is closing down.

2. 江湖告急。Betty好野﹗

3. Fight club. This is really my favourate movie lor. Caca took a long time to remember where it’s from.

4. 初戀無限touch. if u’ve seen it, it can’t be anymore obvious.

5. American Beauty. Yeah Betty i thought it’s obvious too ga.

6. 野獸刑警。 I’m sorry Maggie. Eventually you got it wrong. 禁釘華is from 野獸刑警, not 爆裂刑警。野獸刑警導演係陳嘉上﹐黃秋生最佳男主角﹐譚耀文最佳男配角。爆裂刑警係葉偉信架﹐都好睇呀﹐吳鎮宇古天樂﹐羅蘭好似係最佳女主角﹐但係無乜戲份架嘛。

7. Taxi Driver. hoho this is really classic la. Robert DeNiro.

8. 阿飛正傳。哥哥既經典對白呀。Wong Ka Wai is the best.

9. The Usual Suspects. No one got this one. Chinese name 非常嫌疑犯。The one from Kevin Spacy.

10. 我家有隻河東獅。haha only mandy got this one!