Life sucks – Discussion One

 

Life sucks.

That’s what I tell myself when I feel really bad. I tell myself that life is supposed to be miserable so I would accept all the bad things that happened to me.

 

Marcus was telling me his theory the other day about how life is mostly sad and happiness is only a tiny small part of it. But just now I saw an entry of his telling everyone how good he’s doing now. Lucky bastard.

 

I mean, I do feel better when I believe life is supposed to be crap. That is the only strategy I could find to make myself feel a little little bit better.

Is anyone going to disagree with me here? I mean, does anyone believe that life is beautiful and live happily everyday? I mean, do people still do that?

 

Replies

Naomi
It’s a matter of CHOICE. LIFE is full of chances & choices ~ no matter we love them or not ~ when it comes, it comes

Emily
Agree with Naomi. It’s a matter of choice.

Why
life sucks becoz u suck it with ur hands. life is a matter of choice, how u view it shapes ur feelings towards it.

Jo
I am mostly depressed as well. but i think u just need a nice girl by ur side!

Jessica
I think our purpose in life is to turn this misery into something better, for both urself and ppl around u. If we all let ourselves indulge and be sad, there really is no point of living. Its mutualism that keeps human beings going. so i guess we all serve one another while we serve ourselves…and the ultimate thing is that we want satisfaction, which part of it is happiness

Betty
if life is meant to be miserable, then all your choices is doomed to lead to miserable outcomes as well. Happiness is transient and misery sticks. Life is the time for us to learn how to prolong the effects of those temporary happiness, to be hopeful, to see things the way you want to so as to make you life a bit easier. But there’s no guarantee that we can all master such skill, so shit happens but some are capable of dealing it with a smile while others (like me) can never get over it. 

tesakia
I agree with you that, by believing and accepting the fact that life sucks, I can make myself feel better.  But, even though it sucks, we still need to live through it, right? 

 

 

Discussion Two

Actually, I am not sure what you guys mean by ‘this is a matter of choice’. Can somebody elaborate that?

Maybe this is not what I think, maybe I am just trying to counter your arguments. But wouldn’t saying ‘life is full of choices’ be just another way of saying ‘we don’t really have a choice’? There are a lot of things that we did not choose to happen, that we did not choose to be true. We have a lot of choices but there are more things that we cannot control. That there is nothing we can do to change them.

So maybe life is: you are not allowed to decide the big things, like who your father is and how big your tits will be. But you can decide on the other stuffs like whether you want to be a lawyer or an accountant.

At this point I still do not understand whether ‘choice’ is referring to what we physically choose to do or it is about attitude, whether we choose to be optimistic.

Assuming you are talking about real life choices, like whether I should go to university or coach the swimming team. The ultimate question is: how do I know that one of the choices is better than the other? I might find Economics very boring but if I chose Architecture I might not be able to cope with it, I may even fail my final exams. I might make a lot of money being a Lawyer but maybe I’m actually more talented in making movies and if I do make movies I’ll make even more money?

I mean, think about it, how many times in life you ask yourself questions like: Oh damn why didn’t I work harder in my CE exams? Why didn’t I pass the ball instead of shooting the goal myself? How much time in your life have you spent regretting over something that you cannot go back and change? We do not have the ability to go back times and correct the wrongs. We cannot live twice so we never really know what will happen if we chose the other option. But even if we understand that, we would non-stop ask questions like ‘why did I let you go’ and be miserable. No matter what we choose, there will be a possiblity that the other choice would make us better off. We always have the room to regret. Do we choose to regret? Do we really have that choice?

Life is a matter of choice. If I have a choice, I’d definitely choose to be happy. I’d rather be stupid but happy. It’s not like I CHOOSE to be unhappy when I got dumped or when my dog died. Call me stupid but I’d rather stay in the matrix. And if there really is Lacuna where I can delete my unhappy memories, I’d definitely go there without hesitation. Maybe you’d say ‘knowing the truth is more important’ but I don’t care, I always upset myself by knowing too much. Maybe you’d say ‘you need the unhappy memories in order to feel real happiness’, I’d say ‘no way I don’t fucking believe that’, I’m happy to be always happy.

 

The things is, my dear friends, I don’t really think we can just ‘change’ our attitude. There are studies showing that if you’re an optimistic person, you’ll still be optimistic if you’ve lost a leg. And if you’re a pessimistic person, you’ll still be pessimistic even you’ve won the lottery. You think I didn’t try? Sometimes the harder you try, the worse you get. The more I told myself that I’d be fine the more miserable I’d be. The more I try to forget something the stronger I remember.

For some reason we have to live our lives anyway. For some reason we have to try our best to make our lives (and other people’s) better. But being happy is another story. And I don’t think you can really do anything. Changing ‘attitude’ does not work for me. Ok, maybe medication would help.

So if you’re a 21 year-old unhappy and lonely guy and you happened to be reading (or writing) this, stop thinking, masturbate and go to sleep.

 

 

 

 

他約我去迪士尼

 

 

樂園早已建成亦將快開張﹐暫時忘記Disney是否破壞自然環境﹐有否剝削工人利益人權﹐祗想講句公道說話。

我是公益日那三萬隻白老鼠之一﹐我個人並非Disney的支持者﹐但是我十分享受那一趟所謂‘夢幻之旅’。

樂園之所以受這麼多批評﹐可能是因為有些人真的誤會了迪士尼是夢幻樂園。

看過有線電視的報導﹐說有些遊戲要排隊等一百二十分鐘。

一百二十分鐘﹐有什麼大不了﹖若果等廁所要等一百二十分鐘﹐我覺得是大問題﹔但是玩機動遊戲要等兩小時﹐我覺得一點也不奇。況且﹐這是迪士尼。其實記者朋友祗看指示排的顯示﹐並沒有真正排過隊試﹐說是一百二十分鐘﹐真正要排的﹐可能祗有個半鐘﹐顯示版的主要作用是阻嚇那些沒有耐性的人。

而且一百二十分鐘﹐是高峰期的等候時間﹐並不是全天都一樣。

基本上﹐樂園裡差不多所有值得玩的東西﹐我都排了﹐玩了。Space Mountain﹐巴斯光年﹐米奇歌舞劇﹐獅子王劇﹐3D劇場﹐River Adventure等﹐我到玩了﹐排隊等玩﹐其實不是問題。

Space Mountain 我玩了兩次﹐沒有嘔吐﹐反而看獅子王時﹐因為同一劇情實在用不同形式看過太多遍﹐和對我來說太富教育意義﹐途中悶到想嘔。

有人投訴樂園不准帶食物﹐餐廳又不夠﹐我卻坐得舒舒服服的吃了兩餐﹐我不明白為何新聞報告中的人們要站著吃飯﹐香港人不是早已習慣那種又一城Food Hall式等位方法嗎﹖

有人嫌樂園太小﹐有人說是貼錢買難受﹐有人說慘過輪米﹐這些人﹐根本不應該來。

早知會人頭擁擁﹐早知道樂園未擴建﹐入場卷上明明寫著‘總採排’﹐你偏偏要來﹐貪新屎坑﹐你說香港人是不是賤格﹖

賤格不是指那些玩得很高興的人﹐賤格是指那些又要玩﹐又要鬧的人。真正喜歡迪士尼﹐投入那童話的人﹐會玩得很高興。那些祗是想沾迪記的那點點光﹐祗是貪新鮮的人﹐當然不會玩得高興。

其實﹐迪士尼大概都不擔心這些評價﹐在正式開幕前﹐其實都把採排門卷派了給所有有興趣的香港人了﹐香港迪士尼的target顧客﹐可能不是我們。

連曾慶紅也來了﹐我們應該知道﹐迪士尼大過天﹐不喜歡﹐便不要去﹐你們喊都無用。

 

嘻﹐睇相。附送多舊魚caption。

 

Parade個頭。

打鼓姐姐﹐算靚架啦﹐其他跳舞個D大部份都好似我屋企個工人。

吹氣Mickey。

Girls and films! Marcus! You must love this!

六友﹐其中一隻因為樂園唔比員工係客人面前飲水所以辭左職。

望地下﹐但係指住你。

新女上場。

留意呀雪姑個手勢係同之前個六友一樣﹐唔知想點。

走光照﹐dedicated to Ukio 陳鈞澤先生。

美人魚﹐三點式。

Toy Story. 我 D caption係咪好有用先﹖

dedicated to Ukio 陳鈞澤先生﹐and you know why

唔影煙花﹐影白老鼠。

 

多謝﹐下期預告﹕澳門之旅。

 

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I bombed my hair. I liked it. And someone don’t like it and I had to cut it. I’m back to short hair now. I will show you guys the bombed hair later. I love it.

And I was crying when I cut it. I cannot tell you how upset I was. I am very very upset. Seriously. It still hurts when I think about it now. I want to cry. Really.

The head is mine. I don’t understand why some people have to intervene. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Tell you guys more about it when I have calm down.

 

Have a nice weekend.

Miss you all.

 

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本來想播Kellyjackie﹐懶貼題﹐但係我過唔到自己個關。

買左林狗。

You are listening to: 林海峰30′mething… – 男子組
feat. 鄭中基/蘇永康/梁漢文/古巨基

 

 

Blog Tag for Naomi Naomi

 

 

為了Naomi大師姐才寫的﹐其他人叫我都不做。

 

寫下五個自己的怪癖﹗

 

 

1.      在街上見到老婆婆﹐會強行拖她們過馬路﹔見到大肚婆﹐會強行替她們截的士。

2.      同看更伯伯搭嗲﹐跟推點心車的嬸嬸調情﹐和的士大佬討論溫室效應與人民幣昇值的微妙關係。

3.      暗中派人追斬自己﹐然後重傷住院時向充滿愛心的民主黨議員要求說﹕我想欣宜﹐薛家燕﹐Rain同埋曾慶紅黎探我﹗(李彩樺Rain呀﹖) 無野呀你﹖梗係韓國個細眼Rain啦﹐我想摸下D胸肌。

4.      送含有孔雀石綠的豐胸丸給女性朋友們作生日禮物。

5.      我的怪癖是用xanga把自己的怪癖宣揚開去﹐並且有另一個怪癖就是將此怪癖用chain letter的方式傳染給沒有怪癖的人使他們增加一個怪癖﹐然後有怪癖的人又會把怪癖傳開去給更多本來沒有怪癖的人使更多人有更多的怪癖去傳給更多更多的人使更多更多人有更多更多的怪癖去傳給更多更多更多的人使更多更多更多人有更多更多更多的怪癖……

 

 

 

不打算再傳給其他人了﹐我是在公司太無聊罷了。

 

祝賢仔早人康復﹐希望傳媒對他心理上的傷害不會比兇徒對他身體上的傷害還大。

 

我們都要學會如何在重傷後恢復過來﹐從悲傷中振作起來﹐從新投入社會。

 

 

 

我在努力中。

 

 

 

你們也要努力﹐我們一起努力。

 

 

 

 

 

 

We deserve better television shows

 

I was reading people’s xanga this morning and I came across this girl who is talking about the new TVB series. I am not sure if she wants her name to be mentioned so I am not going to credit her here. Anyway, she was commenting on this new series about hotels. And things like how the characters are similar to those in some other Korean TV series. She also said something like she doesn’t mind if TVB copies the plots from other series as long as it is interesting.

 

 

I have lost interests in Hong Kong TV series a long long time ago. I don’t really watch TV. No, even I got a TV at home and it’s always free of charge to watch TVB and ATV. I only use the TV in my room to watch DVD and play games.

 

The reason is, I think TV series in Hong Kong are really crap. No offence to people who watch TV everyday and follow all the series very night. But you have to admit that they are not too seriously produced. Ok, maybe I am being picky here. But I think I am allowed to be picky towards TVB which has been the major free television shows provider for what? The last half century? I really don’t understand. I really see no improvements in TV series in the last 10 years.

 

The stories, there’s nothing really creative, mostly copied from TV series from other countries. I remember watching this 少年包青天 series quite a few years ago, and the cases are like exactly the same in 金田一, but just Chinese and in ancient times. I was amazed that people who made that series decide to copy from a comic book, maybe they think that those who watch TV and those who watch comics would be two different group of people. Ok this series I watch is not made by TVB, it’s from the mainland, but TVB ones are not any better. When there’s infernal affair, you just make another series which just so similar to it. And remember 功夫足球!? It’s a big fucking joke.

 

And the screenplay? People just don’t talk normal don’t act normal in TV series. I remember watching 學警雄心, it’s just so funny. How the other girls bully Fiona Sit by saying something really mean and how 吳卓曦’s sister decided to push down a rubbish bin to show that she is a troubled teenager. I mean, come on, can you be any less realistic? There are other subtle ways to tell the story without making it look so stupid.

 

What I am saying is, the whole production of TV series is just crap. Is it because it is free television so we expect this little? Can we just expect a little more improvements in productions? Is TVB only breaking-even so they have no extra money to invest on TV production? What’s happening now? Nobody’s watching TV now?

 

And what happened to the actors now? Why am I forced to watch 石修’s son playing a doctor? Come on! Give me a break! You don’t look anything like a doctor! You look like a secondary school boy! I don’t care who your father is I just want to watch some TV! I managed to had a glanced at 酒店風雲 last night and Ella Koon was playing a delivery girl. No, not delivering herself to your hotel room but delivery boxes of beers to the bars. I am not saying that Ella Koon can’t play a boylish man-like role. I am saying I am NOT INTERESTED IN WATCHING ELLA KOON DRESSING LIKE A MAN. I mean, who does? Is it really that interesting that a really hot actress plays some roles that don’t suit her image at all? Ella’s name in the series is called 開心, can you fucking believe it?

 

You see I just can’t stop when it’s about how crap TV is. Remember how TVB try to promote the new series by filming the PRODUCERS themselves talking? You see this is not a bad idea, like you’re really bringing out the clever people at the back onto the big screen. This would really work if the two producers they showed us don’t look like total freaks. One of them is promoting 窈窕熟女. Can anybody explain to me what the hell 阮瓊丹 is doing in there? Please? She’s not in the same age group as the other 3 women is she?!

 

I just wish that we can watch better TV shows. I wish that more money is invested in TV production. I wish people will stop complaining while TVB pearl is showing Titanic and the Kate Winslate’s nude scene is not cut.

 

 

 

Last thing, I think 繼續無敵大長碌 is the most stupid and pointless thing in the history of Hong Kong television. You just can’t get any more bad-taste than that.

 

 

 

我要自由我不要再被雙重標準的人管我和誰是朋友我要名份我不要做秘密情人我要個肯承認和我一起的人我要抬起頭做人找個夠膽大聲說愛我的人走到街上不必怕被誰碰見我要找個最愛我的我不要做後備我不必再隨傳隨到我不要再被人呼之則來揮之則去我要找個願意為我付出的人不要自私的怪物一邊要我付出一邊卻說不能為我做什麼我要屬於我的東西我要安全感我不要人說來便來說走就走你當我是什麼我不要再被人利用我不是小丑我也有感情有尊嚴我已承受不了我心已死掉我愛過我付出過我哭過我努力過我沒有做錯我要找個懂得理會我感受的人不會用最殘酷的方法一次又一次地傷害我欺騙我我要幸福我要快樂我要最好的我要愛我的我要最美的我會學會自愛和愛身邊的所有人除了你我要成功我要做最快樂的人把你從我的腦袋裡刪除去不再為你開心快樂不會再為你痛哭流淚在我的心裡你不再重要你祗是在我身邊走過毫不重要我不會掛念你不會對你有一丁點的希望我的世界不會有你我的夢裡也不會有你這是我對你的報復

 

 

 

 

**continue**

 

今年暑假﹐在太古坊返internship﹐一星期返五日九至六﹐終於明白一份office工作可以如何侵蝕一個人的生活。

 

九至六的工作量會消耗你所有的體力﹐不習慣的﹐下班後祗能夠回家﹐看看電視劇﹐吃飯﹐睡覺。

 

我向來就沒有參與什麼多姿多彩的夜生活﹐當所有人‘第二日都要返工’ 的時候﹐就更加沒有走到街上的理由了。

 

於是﹐我的生活﹐就祗有工作。

 

 

 

總有人看不過眼的﹕你的生活祗有工作﹐你沒有Life。

 

 

原來有Life的人生是很難做到的﹐我嘗試在兩面極端中找個中間點。

 

於是﹐下班後我盡量找節目﹐強迫自己疲倦的身軀繼續活動。

 

我連‘虫不知’ 都看了﹐你可想象到我是如何努力。

 

 

回家後﹐我會想想自己做過什麼﹕

 

工作了九個小時﹐撥了電話給二百個客人﹐然後約了小學同學﹐在APM逛街﹐吃了日本菜﹐在page one 打書釘﹐唱K﹐游水﹐剪頭髮﹐修甲﹐看尋秦記。

 

當我一天內完成了那麼多tasks之後﹐我的生活﹐便好像充實了一點點。

 

 

有Life﹐就是要把時間表塞得滿滿的。

有Life﹐就是要每分每秒都在做‘有意義的事’ 。

有Life﹐就是不可浪費一秒﹐不可有一秒鐘的‘得閒’。

可能是因為人生苦短﹐可能是因為一個人怕寂寞﹐可能是因為怕走慢一步﹐我們
便落後了。

 

 

 

我不喜歡天天開turbo。

可能我習慣了英國的節奏。

 

**待續**

 

 

 
*edit*

 ok people, i didn’t really do all those in one day… relax…..

 

 

 

 

 

有Life  無Life

 

 

 

 

舊年暑假﹐我沒有找到工作﹐基本上我每天都很空閒﹐主要的活動是和朋友們唱K睇戲和吃飯。

 

有人說我無Life。

 

我沒有介意﹐沒有突然察覺自己是多麼的無能﹐因為我很久以前已經察覺了﹐我也沒有因此發奮圖強起來﹐這是我不輕易被動搖的性格﹐我認為是好事。

 

若果有Life的意思是‘有存在意義’ 的意思的話﹐其實我覺得我那年暑假其實是很有Life的。由於我沒有internship的關係﹐我可以出席所有朋友的聚會﹐有人約會我必定可以出席的。

 

不要小看我這‘永遠都得閒’能力﹐我當年這‘御用閒人’ 的地位其實是很神聖的。

 

安排節目時第一個是會找我﹐因為我總會答應出席的﹐大大增加了該節目可以成功舉辦的可能性。

 

我更是眾人的‘最佳牙籤’ 選擇﹐因為當有人‘早左出門口’ ﹐‘朋友遲到放飛機’ ﹐‘未夠鐘睇戲’ 等等的時候﹐我便是他們用來攝時間的救星。就這些攝時間式的約會﹐便填滿了我很多天的節目。

 

我不會因為‘被攝時間’ 而覺得失落的﹐因為其實攝時間也不是隨便找對象的﹐你找我攝﹐最低限度你也想見我。

 

我也是最佳的心理輔導員﹐因為每當有人為了失戀﹐考試不合格﹐遺失手機等而痛哭流淚的時候﹐總可以找我﹐而且不必怕時間不合適﹐更可以三更半夜打來﹐要求我飛的到西貢安慰他﹐因為我第二天不需要上班。

 

 

無Life的我﹐其實都有存在意義的﹐我也很喜歡那身份。

 

是有Life還是無Life﹐誰來決定﹖

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***放工了﹐待續***

 

 

 

 

每逢午飯時間﹐太古坊附近的橫街都會人山人海﹐那裡有很多餐廳﹐餐廳裡面有很多可愛的阿姐。

今天那位是男性打扮的。

 

我﹕靚女﹐我個京醬咩咩撈麵甘耐既﹖

阿姐﹕拉麵要耐D架﹗

我﹕點解啊﹖

阿姐﹕你等下啦﹐個師傅拉緊出來比你架啦﹗

 

 

 

 

 

拉麵到。

阿姐﹕師傅拉完啦﹗拿﹗

 

 

For my crying friend(s) and myself: 楊乃文﹕證據

 

 

若沒有開始﹐便不會有終結。

 

我們道行未夠﹐開始時沒有想清楚﹐結束時又接受不了。

可能是我們聽太多慘情歌﹐離別時﹐比做隻貓做隻狗更難受。

 

總會有些人﹐有能力叫你在這痛苦之間徘徊。

然後你便哭著說﹐你控制不了﹐你不可以離開他。

我們就是這樣沒有理由地阻止自己快樂。

 

我曾經相信愛可以解決一切問題。

因愛你而快樂。

因愛你而留在這痛楚裡。

愛﹐我們耗盡了快樂的部份﹐祗剩下令我們痛苦的。

 

 

壽星女洗完牌﹐塔羅哥哥抽出一張牌。

塔羅哥哥說﹕你會跟他分開。

壽星女哭了。

塔羅哥哥說的話﹐跟我們說的﹐其實都差不多﹐可是由塔羅哥哥的口中說出來﹐好像說服力強一點。

可是﹐儘管壽星女是多麼的感動﹐她晚上還是接了那個不該接的電話。

 

 

 

 

 

我也撥了個號碼。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

沒人接應。

我對著沒有人聲的電話筒﹐說了我很想對你說的真心話。

 

Halo halo halo… I’m back.

I’ve lost my phone. Lost all my contacts. If I still haven’t called you, it’s not because I have already forgotten you. It’s because I can’t. So please call my mobile so I can have your number. I’m using the same old number.

It’s so difficult to catch up with everyone’s xanga. But I will try. It is extra difficult because I am still in jetlag mode. So tired. This is half 6 only and i am already up. Anyway, I will try to catch up, especially the P post… Feelling left out now… wu…

I had this new maid at home. I have never met her because when she came I was in Manchester. The morning before yesterday, she closed her door and kept crying. My grandma told her she could go if she wants to. And she just grabbed all her stuffs and ran. My grandma offered to bring her to the agency but she refused.

Of course she couldn’t go home. She needs the agency to help her doing that. She’s been taken to the police station that day. I don’t know why. Maybe she’s been biting people on the street. And then she’s been taken to the hospital. According to the agency, she has actually been put into the mental hospital in eastern district now. They say she almost tear off an officer’s shirt.

I didn’t talk to her much while she was in the house. But my mother and grandma said she got mental problems. She knocks on my mother’s door in the middle of the night and said that she has to go worship some god because there were many ghost around. And once it is night time, she doesn’t look at people in the eye directly. She always look away. Like there was really a ghost that we can’t see beside her.

I don’t how to think about this. She has been in the house for 3 months. Some say we have been lucky that she didn’t go mental and kill us all. I think the agent is bad because it sent her here. Suddenly I’m thinking, maybe it’s my faimly, driving her crazy. I’ve been here for 20 years. I think I got serious mental problems too.

I am still so very jetlag. So I’ll stop here.

Oh! I cut my hair. Nao requested pictures. But I said, I don’t want to take pictures of myself. I’ll post some if I see my friends and take pictures with them.

 

CALL ME!!!